Cast: Mahaakshay Chakraborty, Tia Bajpai, Achint Kaur, Arif Zakaria and Mohan Kapoor
Director: Vikram Bhatt
The good news is that Mahaakshay, formerly known as Mimoh, has expanded his acting range since his disastrous debut in Jimmy. The bad news is that this means that he now has two expressions, which is two more than he had in that film.
In Vikram Bhatt’s Haunted, Mahaakshay looks either bewildered or tragic. Which given the circumstances, is not surprising.
Mahaakshay plays Rehan, a Stanford MBA who finds himself in the unfortunate position of house-sitting a gigantic mansion known as Glen Manor, which everybody in the film calls Glen Manoor.
The back-story is that in 1936, a lustful music teacher, played by Arif Zakaria, pounced on his student, played by Tia Bajpai, who then proceeded to kill him.
Being dead however wasn’t much of an obstacle. The teacher came back as a ghost and proceeded to do all the depraved things he had wanted to, for a full six days before she committed suicide. And the spirit of the teacher continues to rape the spirit of the student, filling the Manor with screams.
Which begs the question, technically speaking, how exactly does a ghost rape?
Of course Bhatt can’t be bothered with minor details like this. Instead he creates an absolutely ridiculous horror movie that works better as comedy, unintentional of course.
So, Rehan goes back into time with his cell phone and then proceeds to show his hip-hop moves. All the ghosts are caked in Ramsay style make-up and the dialogue is priceless.
Before making the moves on his student, the teacher declares: I want to teach you a new tune. And she has no clue about his motives until he starts inhaling her neck.
Vikram uses formulaic horror tropes – mist, screeching doors, books that fall by themselves and blaring background music that insists that you be scared.
I was trying not to laugh out loud. I’m going with one and a half star.
